DEAR DIARY アンジェラ9回目

‍Dear Diary

This is my 9th diary, this is all about now , haven’t work in bar because of corona virus. 

This is hard for me without a work because im a breadwinner, and im always thinking that how i can send money to my mama and how is it possible we can survive in this situation, thats what we think right now. Like now , my brother has skin problem, and i dont know how to help but atleast, someone help me to get income. Thankyou i will not mention his name here. Hehe , But atleast god still listen to my prayers , he keep helping me in the hard situation i had. If i have work i will not beg to my guests , to help me this time. But many of them was a nonsense , but i still understand. I hope i can apply a work to help them , and not beg to others and just ignore me. Im look pathetic but i can do everything for them . and one time i really dont have money to buy a food, im a out of stock, then morning until evening im not eating yet. I feel dizzy, and im feel weak, thats my worst they ever. And , my oldest sister in cavite city help me , she send a 300 peso for me , i cried , because i dont want to worried them to me , but im thankful even i can’t help them now , they still have care about me and my mama calling me , because im so stress , im fucking stress and i think im useless because i can’t help them, i cry while im talking with my mama , she said that i need to be strong , this is just a trial for me , they want me to be strong because before when im depressed i want to kill my self but thats before , i have medicine need to take for my depression , and i need somebody  by my side. Thats my problem , thats why they worried , im thankful, because i keep fighting. Yes , i can help them to work in the other job right , yes im agree with that , but im asking is , where can i apply? There’s no hiring now because of corona virus. Thats the reality now , thats why i plan to go to cavite to help my mama to care my sibling . I always pray that, when im there give me some blessing to start a new life , i want to have a small business , to support them ,i hope so! 

Thats all, i hope you will like this , Thankyou so much. I have a nice day. FROM: ANGELA.